


no man walks alone

by rangerchikin



Category: Joker Game (Anime)
Genre: Gen, Heavy Angst, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:20:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24609076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rangerchikin/pseuds/rangerchikin
Summary: Don't die. Don't kill. Don't get caught (in your own emotions).
Kudos: 6





	no man walks alone

**Author's Note:**

> this was an entry for #MalamMingguMaso and idk i want it here ;;; i've always wanted to write yuuki so when this came up i was pushing all i got. be warned of the tags!

Don't die. Don't kill. Don't get caught.  
  
In the beginning, he was only trying to live out of spite. He knew he wasn't going to make through another day of living in the slums, all those years ago. But when he saw those lawless bandits trying to rob his already collapsing hut they call home, he knew giving up was no better than indulging the ego of the people who took it upon them.  
  
He remembered running for his life as one of those armed men lost sight of him. He escaped to live by his father's fortitude to live, despite the odds. That comes along with the clear understanding that killing too, wasn't an option; that was what led those bandits here in the first place. Akira never know whether his parent made it out. All he could live by was words. He didn't even have money. In that freezing winter, he was beginning to lose hope. The clothes he was in, comparing to the hut, was hardly any help. Until he heard the sound of tapping cane and approaching footsteps.  
  
A towering figure stared down at him with an expression he couldn't decipher. A man, he recognized. He was probably a rich man looking for servants. That was a lucky bet, he would take slaves as a viable option with the state he's in. He was barely ten, and Akira knew even then he's going to have better value sold than kept. Whatever that was, he'll work his way to get out of that alive.  
  
"You're homeless." was all he heard. Akira didn't think it was a question on it's own, but he had a feeling he has to confirm it. He looked up to the bearer of that voice, not saying a word. "Why are you still alive?"  
  
"I can't die." Akira answered. "To die is the worst choice one can make."  
  
"If I were to kill you right this second," that man spoke again. "What are you going to do?"  
  
That was a stupid question. Akira knew of the answer and he figured so did that man, without needing to hear from him. This man is testing him. "I will find my way to stay alive and survive."  
  
There was only silence before the cane that man was holding tapped him on the shoulder. "Starting today, I'm a threat to you. I'm going to mercilessly tear you down. You must survive me."  
  
Starting that day, the man who he knew was Viscount Arisaki, lived up to his words.  
  
Akira then learned the extent of wealth Arisaki has, as a man with a decesead wife. He always looked so stern and lonely, but maybe that was why he remain alive. Akira knew how much heartbreak is able to destroy someone, and it certainly didn't scratch even the slightest bit of this man.  
  
And he knew then, the form of trials he was in was almost the opposite of his life in poverty. He was faced with countless difficulties, dozens to name. Every time he was faced with something he thought of impossible doing, he passed with remarkable marks. Languages, science, and everything that came before him was to no doubt challenges the Viscount swore to send his way, and he wasn't going to fail any of them. Not even in their unbalanced martial matches, where his life was most at risk.  
  
When he enrolled into the Military Preparatory School on behest of Arisaki himself, Akira's instinct to win his way out of the large headed men of the academy had him expelled. He knew he outsmarted those men. But he also knew that standing out will lead to early demise, like a stuck out nail waiting to be hammered in. Akira realized he had a place better to be, if shaming those blindly proud students was this easy.  
  
"I grant you freedom from this point on." said Arisaki, in one game of shogi they always had every evening. "I'm no longer in the right to hinder you from anything you want."  
  
As much collected as Akira was, it took him by surprise. "I take that your decision is sudden. Why?"  
  
"I thought you've figured the answer yourself." was all Akira ever got as an answer. It was the unspoken rule between them to leave it to their own conclusions no matter what answer was given. They were no father and child. Mutual understanding was not a necessity, what was Akira thought to himself.  
  
Everything in his life since then felt like a fast forward memory until D Agency.  
  
Yuuki, now how Akira called himself, found a way to stood upon his own will. Going so far as constructing an operative espionage agency was never a patriotic plan from the start. Despite the alarming need of intelligence Japan was highly lacking, it's only deserving if he was able to take a couple men who merited a way to get out of the mess the country was making for itself.  
  
He gave them a new name. A new life story to go by, and all the skills they ought to have to get through. They were the spies he molded into his values, he thought at first. But he was failing the guess. They didn't take his lessons because they were told to. These men were genuinely walking the same path as him, and had no intention of looking back.  
  
"Selflessness is a fabrication of intended kindness." he heard one of them told him one time. It was Tazaki. "True kindness doesn't exist. There is always a form of collateral as an exchange, be it morale or materialistic. I included self-gratification in that category, so it always comes to a certain intention in the end of it." the man was shuffling his deck, more of a showcase for his sleight of hand rather than performing a trick. "That's based on my personal perspective."  
  
"And what point does it prove you for telling me that, exactly?" Yuuki inquired, we seated still on the lounge sofa across of Tazaki.  
  
"We all realized your true intention by now. Only almost, but we're certain that we're here to survive through the war with you." Yuuki remain unchanged upon Tazaki's accusations. "I won't begin to pry into your true reasoning, but despite of my perception of it, that's truly kind of you, Sir."  
  
Tazaki gave him his characteristical smile, the one that they all share. It swells his heart with pride to remember, although Yuuki only deigned to admit that to himself.  
  
Yuuki should have known better that with attachment comes loss. It would've been what he learned to be an overwhelming sense of failure, that he thought he will never get the taste of.  
  
In the winter of 1940, he had to watch one of his men perish for the most ridiculous of luck. Miyoshi was brilliant, and he never once doubt his decision for taking him in, much like the rest of them. It was however a loss he could never get over with, for failing this man from the promise he was making to no one but himself. Yuuki gathered that amount of selfishness to decide for him and his own men, that once the war take over Japan and their efforts was proven less than partial in effect, they will collectively make better of themselves and step aside. And Yuuki was to make sure that's a certainty.  
  
The war set off only a couple years after Miyoshi's passing. Yuuki met his own resolve to disband the agency and scatter his men to parts unseen, making sure none of them were to be touched by the war. He only took one with him, Jitsui. Yuuki himself wanted to make sure that Jitsui's youthfulness will not become his disadvantage.  
  
Yuuki has enough trust that these men are doing well on their own, even when Jitsui was constantly receiving letters he knew were directed to also him. They were doing well by their own means, and that was so far the greatest accomplishment Yuuki would applaud himself as a spymaster.  
  
Yet that was not patching the hole on his chest that he didn't realize he has.  
  
Maybe because Yuuki is finally aware that he's out of time. That the memories and emotions he has been feeling for the past couple of days are about to come to an end, and his head was replaying the same journey over and over to fill the gap that keeps gushing out his faith on himself until the only thing to remain was desolation.  
  
He has been sick for about two weeks with no hope of recovery. Yuuki has never went over a week without showing signs of getting better, and as much as he hates being superstitious, he could actually feel that he was nearing the finish line.  
  
He made sure that he will leave free of guilt, going as far as sending permission for Kaminaga to revive the agency now that the war subsided. It's a hassle that even after those measures, he wasn't over the dwelling of all the feelings he had missed on feeling throughout life. He still has questions unanswered and things left to be told. It could be his disarray of thoughts playing a part, or his emerging ego as an old man, but he really wanted to get over it.  
  
If it's truly going to be over, he might as well get out the last of what he could.  
  
"Jitsui." Yuuki called.  
  
"Yes, Sir."  
  
"You lived your childhood without a father." Yuuki began. Jitsui was at attention. "Your mother was demanding your contribution to the army. She didn't take your refusal well and abandoned you. Even though you were awfully young."  
  
"Sir?" Jitsui's tone was of concern. Yuuki never brought up any of their pasts. And hear him so openly talk about his made Jitsui worry.  
  
Yuuki suppressed a coming cough with a hum, unaware of Jitsui leaving his side to bring him a cup of water. Yuuki declined the offer and kept on talking.  
  
"Did you regret leaving her behind?"  
  
Jitsui was perplexed. Even to Yuuki, who trained him on concealing expressions, Jitsui's surprise was evident. His confusion washed away before coming up with an answer. "Yuuki, Sir," Jitsui spoke in an even tone. "I will never have my life any other way. I did leave my mother, but joining you and the others made up more than my entire life and I wouldn't trade anything for that."  
  
Jitsui was no type to console. Yuuki knew his underlings well. He knew Jitsui was telling the truth, yet it made him feel like he was sinking deeper into the sea of emotion he was desperately trying to leave from. "If I were to leave, would that change anything?"  
  
"I don't think I could get behind how the man who told me not to die nor kill talk about his own demise." Jitsui sternly said. "Every man has a crack they're trying to place something over. To me, as you said, it was my past. The agency was more than enough not to remind me of that anymore. As per your question, it will definitely... Make me feel at loss, but if you were to leave, it wouldn't erase what I already went through. I will never be sorry about following you."  
  
Yuuki took what he had left to understand Jitsui's reasoning. Only then he realized something he failed to understand a long time ago, when he actually had the urgency to. Viscount Arisaki was looking for a way to fill the gaping hole he lost from his wife's passing by taking him in, and Yuuki have been doing the same all his life. The men he took with him was a reflection of him, to mend the emptiness he was trying to seal away.  
  
The will of staying alive. He had now passed that to his fellow spies, and knowing he achieved yet another thing didn't bring as much joy. Relieved, maybe. But it didn't feel much like accomplishments anymore.  
  
He never allowed himself to be sentimental. But even now, it was only to himself; his underlings will never get to know. It's beyond his pride to have them know of his melancholia. "Regardless," Yuuki spoke again. "What awaits you is only emptiness. Don't get carried away." then he succumbed into a coughing fit.  
  
Yuuki saw fear in Jitsui. Only slight, but it was there; an unusual sight on someone like him. Yuuki reached towards his smaller hand for the sake of reassurance. It costs an ounce of shame, to be this transparent to his underling. But he surely won't regret this. "I'm going to be alright. Go to sleep." he saw Jitsui looking eased, then made his way to his own bed.  
  
Yuuki then realized how much of a fraud was the illusion of afterlife. Even so, he couldn't deny he had thought of wishing to be there. Maybe he could finally formally apologize to Miyoshi for what he put him through. Those thoughts are miles away from the thoughts of the proper spy he vowed to be. Only now he realize, in the face of death, none of that mattered anymore.  
  
He glanced over where Jitsui was silently sleeping. Like a closing curtain, his eyelids were steadily drawing down, hurrying him to his much needed sleep.  
  
There were no saying farewell. It wasn't needed. He left without a word.  
  
Jitsui awoke the next morning. Yuuki had passed in his sleep.  
  
Jitsui was sound asleep through it all. The first thing that came to him upon knowing that, he got to work.  
  
He feigned an identity for Yuuki, his father in their disguise, to issue a death certificate. It was all to give him the final rest he deserved.  
  
A couple days were needed to get everything done. It was tough to arrange a proper burial on his own. He could see why some people decided to take matters in their own hands and dig themselves a grave, but that wouldn't justify for Yuuki. Although under fake documents, he wanted to give him all the respect he could give. Jitsui knew that was his own will more than Yuuki's, but the man wasn't there to argue anymore.  
  
Jitsui had the documents done after some time and eventually able to get the mess in order. The room that was initially Yuuki's, where he also stayed in when his illness had gotten worse, wasn't much of a trouble to fix. He gathered the letters that he received from his fellow spies, each neatly folded in envelopes that were beginning to turn brown.  
  
He took notice of Yuuki's attempts to read these letters behind his back. Old age was catching up to him, and covering his tracks was not what he's best at doing anymore. He saw the traces of some of those being opened a few times, as if forgetting whether it was read. Or Yuuki could have intentionally read them on repeat, Jitsui will never know.  
  
As war was claiming the country, Jitsui remembered Yuuki holding onto The Adventures of Robinson Crusoe, a copy of what he used to hand Kaminaga for his mission to Britain. It wasn't because they were running out of books. Jitsui knew Yuuki was silently looking forward to see them again. One day, when the war is over.  
  
The war was already over. But Yuuki never made it back to them.  
  
Being the sole witness of Yuuki's passing, Jitsui was supposed to notify the others about the burial. But he didn't have the heart to. Jitsui honestly thought he had no heart left for mourning, but he is now living with it.  
  
He couldn't imagine how much it will pain the others to know Yuuki had died. Because it's crushing him more than he thought it will.


End file.
